Long For

Sittin alone,
In artificial light,
Tryin to make it,
Through one last night.

A mix of emotions,
A heart full of woe,
Wondering where,
All this will go.

I felt it was right,
From the very first day,
But in just one second,
That was taken away.

I’m left here alone,
In fear and in pain,
Hoping the chance,
Will come back again.

I feel as though,
I’ve been taken apart,
Pieced back in the wrong sequence,
Missing half of my heart.

Sitting here blindly,
In search of my mind,
But the harder I look,
The less I can find.

What once came naturally,
Was cruelly taken away,
I’ve lost all trace of colour,
The world is now grey.

In seconds I fell,
From positive thoughts,
The creative talent,
That this one being brought.

But being out of my life,
Has left me so bare,
I have lost inspiration,
I’m left in confused despair.

I’m in my bed,
I toss and turn,
My eyes are red,
They’re sore, they burn.

The same thoughts,
Run through my mind,
Of someone who,
Is warm and kind.

I feel him slide,
His hand in mine,
And remember when,
We met first time.

Now that’s over,
I’m here alone,
Paranoia,
What have I done?

I’m all alone, I’ve lost my smile,
Wishing you had stayed a while,
Instead you ignore me when you like,
And fill my head with all your shit.

I’m over you, I’m out of love,
I’m lying here, I’ve had enough,
It’s been a while, but I’m okay,
I take life as it comes each day.

But when I feel I’ve let you go,
You tell me that you’ve missed me so,
And once again I’m in your trap,
Even though you don’t want me back.

So now I’m hooked just as before,
I lie here alone upon my floor,
Thinking of nothing else but you,
Adoration that’s so confused.

I think I’m okay, and that life will go on,
But each night it’s the same when I’m alone,
You say you care, and I believe each word,
But now I’m telling myself I’ve had enough.

I’m living in the past, life was better then,
I need you, we’re supposed to be friends,
But each day you say you don’t have the time,
Is when I realize that I have been blind.

You think you care about me, but this is a lie,
You try to be nice, and I always ask why,
This is not what you want, deep down inside,
And it’s me that gets hurt every single time.

So leave me alone, I need time to myself,
In times of need, it was you that helped,
But you’ve hurt me now, and things will change,
Right now, I don’t want to hear your name.

Everything you say, seems genuine to me,
But I’m hooked on you, it’s easy to see.
I wish things were simple like the start,
but you messed me about, And broke my heart.

I know I will forgive you, and be okay in time,
I never fully believed you’d ever be mine,
But I’m still feeling this everyday,
Wishing things hadn’t gone this way.

I need time alone, so I can move on,
And accept the fact, that I’m not the one,
So leave me to grieve at my own accord,
I don’t want to hear from you. Not one word.

As tiredness dries up these heavy eyes,
I sit alone but I can’t cry
The night is still and house is quiet,
I feel aggressive, my head’s a riot.

My music plays too soft to hear,
MY happy thoughts just disappear,
I sit alone, I feel the cold,
I long for the past, I’m getting old.

I tap the keys, they echo loud,
I’m tryin so hard to make no sound,
But everyone’s asleep, they cannot hear.
They do not know that I’m here.

The silence carries through the night,
The darkness blinds my only sight,
I sitting here wishing for the day,
To take the pain and suffering away.

I’m moving on, I’m starting again,
I’m not sure, if we should be friends.

I look at him, and see the past,
Wishing time would move on fast.

But blocking him out seems extreme,
And I’m not convinced it would help me.

I need to think this over, but it’s a mess,
I’m still being in love. I confess.

Lies, deception, and more and more lies,
Or was it all just a painful disguise?
He loves me, but can’t seem to work it out.
I question him to relieve my doubt.

But every single comment fogs my mind,
I remember him being warm and kind,
His answers are as confused as me,
The truth is something I will never see.

Wishing for clarity, and a little light,
To help me through each sleepless night,
I always believed he was the one for me,
But obviously that’s not how it’ll be.

- Sara

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Him

Anger, rage, false accusations,
This situation is so frustrating,
Fear and terror of what will become,
Loving him, like he’s the one.

Broken hearts, and restless minds,
Thinking I must be going blind,
Sorrow and depression once again,
Wishing he would be my friend.

Flashbacks, memories, things were said,
Repeating themselves over in my head,
tryin desperately to move on from this,
But faithfully wanting to be his.

- Sara

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Gone but There

Day by day,
Night by night,
I’d never let,
Him out of sight.

Creep out of bed,
Open the door,
Just see him,
There once more.

Back to bed,
And off to sleep,
But in my dream,
I weep and weep.

I wake up fast,
And run next door,
The bed is vacant,
He’s gone once more.

I take a seat,
And smell the air,
Physically gone,
But spiritually there.

- Sara

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Betrayed

Stuck deep inside my own thoughts,
Questions tieing my mind in knots,
Feeling lonely and feeling afraid,
But most of all, feeling betrayed.

The guy that always used to be there,
The only one I felt that truly cared,
Stabs my back and tells me lies,
And leaves me here alone to cry.

Then he comes home and tries to make up,
But deep down inside I am still hurt,
Using precious time he cannot see,
Not realising this crushes me.

- Sara

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Confused Life

Like a flower,
Too late to bloom,
Things happen too fast,
They happen too soon.
Decisions yet,
Still undecided,
Feeling confused,
And under minded.
Feeling big,
But metaphorically small,
Wishing I,
Wasn’t here at all.
Worst of all,
Feeling cheated,
Wishing I were,
Undefeated.
But life hits us,
At a great force,
When we think it can’t,
Life WILL get worse.

- Sara

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Little Trust

Being best friends from the very start,
But now we are continually drifting apart,
Finding things out from everyone else,
When it was always me you used to tell.

The one in which I’d always confide,
But now you can’t seem to make up your mind,
To tell me now or to tell me not?
The little trust that I’ve now got.

Each truth you told me was repayed,
We shared our secrets, back in the day,
But now it’s just a guessing game,
It’s pissing me off, I’m full off shame.

But why should I feel the fault is mine,
When I kept your secrets every time,
If you can’t trust me, that is fine,
Don’t tell me your secrets, I won’t tell you mine.

- Sara

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Real Dream

The same thoughts running through her mind,
Of someone who is warm and kind,
Wishing the past was once more,
As she lays alone, curled, on the floor.

The tears slowly wet her cheeks,
As she counts the past in terms of weeks,
Drawing faint hearts on the page,
Knowing that this would always age.

But failing to see why things would fold,
Looking deeply depressed and feeling cold,
Thinking things just aren’t right,
As she lays alone all through the night.

She closes her eyes and drifts to sleep,
Seeing him with every heartbeat,
Touching his lips and holding him so,
Telling him she’ll never let go.

She looks into his deep, dark eyes,
And knows the past wasn’t hidden in lies,
Their lips touch gently and in she leans,
This seams so real, it can’t be a dream.

It feels as though this should be fate,
But soon enough she slowly awakes,
To lay alone and still on the floor,
Wishing to have this back once more.

- Sara

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Life Pain

Dark deep thoughts in which I fear
Often wishing I could disappear,
Problems I cannot bear to solve,
Wishing I was no longer involved.

I wish I could fly so far away,
From painful dilemmas I face each day,
Or curl up tightly on the floor,
To cry out all the hurt, once more.

Life hardly ever seems to be fair,
And you hurt end up hurting those who care,
I often think that life would be,
A hell of a lot better without me.

- Sara

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Dying Flower

The flower that once stood tall and strong,
Is dying now, but what went wrong?
A lack of love was in the air,
The fact of knowing no one cares,
Day by day a petal drops,
Lying on mud like heavy thoughts,
Like blood stops pumping through one’s veins,
The withering plant no longer gains,
The vital things to survive alone,
But in the wind loneliness is blown,
Brown dead leaves are hanging low,
The flower will no longer grow,
Instead it droops into the ground,
Where in death the only joy is found.

- Sara

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