All gone

Nothing matters
It’s all gone
I’m empty and she doesn’t care
It doesn’t matter
How I feel or what I say
She’s far away
And wouldn’t stay
No matter what I say
It wouldn’t matter anyway
I used to wait for the day
Just to hear her say
I miss you
Guess I was the biggest fool
Didn’t want to think you were cruel
I’m lonely now and broken
Left without even one token
Of love or caring
It all died on my birthday
How could I be so daring?
Thought you would understand
Why I was so upset
Instead you got mad at me
And hung up on me
It’s been a week
You wouldn’t even talk to me
How could you do that to me?
Nothing matters at all
I used to stand so tall
Now I wish for the stars
To cover up all these scars
Far away and small
Wonder if your thinking about me at all
Again I’m a fool for thinking
Guess I should be drinking
If only that were the way to get rid of my sadness
And bring me some gladness
Like I used to have
When I was with you
It was long ago
Why can’t I just let it go?
Like you have
You don’t feel me anymore
You’ve stopped keeping score
It’s all gone, as are you
Now I’m left with nothing to do
But brew
Over what once was
Just because
I’m an idiot and cared
And that is why I dared
To say what I said on my birthday
But I shouldn’t have shared
Because now I feel scared
And lost
And lonely
And hurt
And angry
And stupid
To think there ever was a cupid
For the two of us
Why did I make such a fuss?
It’s all over
I should just roll over
Because nothing matters anymore
You think I’m a bore
You think I’m a chore
And probably a whore
I can’t erase my mistakes
I believed you had forgiven me
I believed you loved me
And even when that part of it ended
I believed that at least there was something that mended
And that we had a friendship
You said you still adored me
You said that your heart still tightened
And that you would become frightened
When I was in trouble
And caught in some bubble
I believed you would help me
Get out of the rubble
Of this life that I live
In Binghamton while you are in Texas
Instead of staying close to me
You chose to make distance
I felt it but ignored it
I thought it was what you needed
I thought I would give it to you
Because you were my friend
And I loved you
I didn’t mind letting you go
I just didn’t want to lose you for good
Yet I did.
How could I know that you would
Let me go?
You let go fast
You forgot our past
Yes we had a past
A good past, a bad past
A past nonetheless
I understand you though
You don’t want to remember it
You’d rather forget what we had
It is easier that way
I understand that
Who would want to remember the hurt?
So you let me go fast and furious
Anytime I tried to talk about our past
You ran away fast
And I was left last
And I acted rash
It made me so sad though
That I was so slow
To recognize what you did
Long ago
And what others could see
But I never wanted it to be like that
And so I sat, and got fat
Denying what you could see
Which was what could again never be.
You saw the truth in front of us
Coming at us like a bus
About to hit
Difference between you and me was,
You got out of the way
And I chose to stay
In the way
Of a tragedy
Which was my soul shattered
You had sense enough to scatter
While I was like, “what’s the matter”?
What a fool I was
Thinking that you still loved me like you once did
When instead you saw me as a kid
A fool and youngster
Naïve to the core
I have always been so unsure
This is not your problem though
And you made that clear
When you forgot all that I held dear

- Vanessa Maria R Torres

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